11.10.13

A defence of socks and sandals

     CANBERRA, October 11. – Last night I couldn’t go to sleep. So I rolled onto my side and, while still in bed, opened my door just enough to put my sandals outside of my room. The plan was for their irreverent pong to go with them.

Today I had a different plan from the very beginning.

Instead of strapping my naked feet, prone to sweating and stinking, straight into the sandals, I first encapsulated them with socks.

Before I discuss the combination of socks and sandals, first a discourse on my socks is required: since about the age of three I have had a bizarre trait which could probably be blamed on some peculiar genetic predisposition; I wear odd socks religiously. Bear this in mind when you imagine me in socks and sandals.

So, today on my right foot I had a green sock and on my left foot I had a gold sock, over which I was wearing a pair of grey sandals.

This defence cannot and will not answer the unfounded complaints of the alleged terrible appearance of socks and sandals. I have no expertise in this regard and I am in no position to comment on whether socks and sandals look good, even though I have been told many times that they look awful-without-a-doubt.

Instead, I can only defend the practicality which greatly outweighs the slim chance they look a tiny bit naff.

Firstly, they are comfortable. By wearing socks you don’t have to deal with stones between your toes or blisters from the sandals themselves. Critics of socks and sandals who are prone to wearing high heels are, undoubtedly, unable to answer claims of comfort.

Secondly, they are functional. You are able to combine the versatility with the protection of a sock.

Thirdly, they are practical. Both elements are easily carried, donned, removed, re-configured and adjusted, all without the tedium of laces and knots.

Lastly, for someone with skin like me, the advent of socks prevents the tops of my very white feet from getting sunburnt. This has happened before and it isn’t fun.

Socks and sandals might not have the aesthetics that are attractive to the human eye, but if you’re spending more time judging someone’s footwear than what they have to say or what they’re doing, then there is a greater problem of looking naff.

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