The line for the bastards takes longer than the ride itself. And they really are bastards – the engineering love child of psychological torment and pure insanity. Why anyone “likes” rollercoasters is beyond me, but perhaps some people like the idea of experiencing the feeling of having every internal organ come up through the body and attempt to push out through the tear ducts in your eyelids.

The worst part about rollercoasters is the line. It’s not the waiting – it the where you have to wait. You wait as you can hear and see the people on the tracks. There is screaming and the visuals give you the sense that violent motion sickness is imminent. I was thinking to myself today on more than one occasion, “What are you doing, Jasper?”

By the time you’re sitting in the carriage – a word that makes it sound too nice – you realise there was no point going to the toilet before hand; you need to go again anyway. And then you’re off, accelerating stupidly.

After the internal-organs-through-tear-ducts effect you’re back, ready to go again.

If there was a way to get on a rollercoaster without the psychological build-up of having to get on the bastard, it wouldn’t be so bad.

Europa Park – the –est theme park in a variety of categories in Europe – provided this new experience today. Despite what you might think, I did have a lot of fun.



“You’ve got quite a reputation,” she said.

“I hope it’s a good one,” I thought out loud.

The woman talking was one of the other English teachers here. She had news: I had been invited along with the other English-speaking exchange students here to Müllheim for the purposes of assisting with English.

Perhaps I was onto something in my blog post from April 1, 2014.

Now, if all goes to plan, I’ll head off on Tuesday and miss out on something wholly worthwhile: a day out of a week’s worth of maths main lessons. At least it’s the last week of school, although I’m even a little bit sad about that.

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